When All Else Fails
by Perryshmirtz-BuJeet
Summary: Perry was an ordinary platypus agent, fighting a normal evil scientist. When Perry's life is turned upside down by a tragedy who is there for him, and why does he have strange feelings for the man who is having his own struggles? (Pairings include Phinerb, Montnessa, BuJeet, and Perryshmirtz. A mention of Ferbnessa. Slash.)
1. Chapter 1

I sigh and walk into Doof's lab, feet dragging.  
"Ah! Perry the- what's wrong?" He says, noticing my sadness. I chatter sadly and pull out a notepad.  
'One of my owners died.' I wrote. His eyes widen.  
"Oh, Perry the Platypus... I'm so sorry..." He says. I let a tear escape. Poor Ferb. Phineas hasn't left his room since the accident. Phineas' poor planning had electrocuted Ferb, getting him heartbroken and grounded in one afternoon. Doof places an arm around me.  
"Oh Perry... is there anything I can do?" He asks, noticing my unfathomable sadness. I shake my head no and cry into his shirt. He stiffens and pets me slowly. I sob loudly and nuzzle him. He clips something onto me.  
"Vent Perry the Platypus. It's a translator-inator." I look up at him teary eyed.  
"I don't know what to do Doof. My host family is broken and little Phineas is heartbroken. Linda and Lawrence have been sulking and I am the only source of comfort to little Phin..." I say, crying. He rubs my fur.  
"Perry the Platypus, I'm sure it will work out. So, how are you taking it?" He asks, voice my only method of staying together.  
"Bad, but I really am not worrying about me. I'm more worried about the kid." I say, trying to compose myself.  
"Perry, fix yourself and him at the same time. I know from experience it's hard to lose someone, but it is even harder not to confront your sorrow." I look at him in awe. Heinz Doofenshmirtz comforting me, the lowly Platypus?  
"Thank you Doof..." I say softly, pressing the self-destruct button on his inator, unclipping my translator, and walking out to his balcony.  
"Perry... curse you." He says, smiling. I tip my fedora and hang glide back to the house. I crawl into Phineas' room. He's still crying.  
"O-Oh there you are Perry." He says, wiping his eyes. I chatter and hop up next to the small child. He strokes my back.  
"Perry, I don't know what to do. Ferb's all I ever known. I... I was in love with him a-and I got him killed..." I chatter sadly at the boy and gesture to Ferb's jacket.  
"Perry... what boy? I know your secret buddy so you can just... write it." He says, nodding to his notebook.  
'Make a DNA replicator.' I wrote quickly. His eyes light up as he sits up quickly.  
"I know what I'm going to do today!" He yells, running out back to build. I smile and my watch beeps. I slide down to the lair, Doofenshmirtz can't wait a whole day?  
"Ah, Agent P, Doof is at it again. I need you to find out what he's up to, and put a stop to it!" Major Monobrow says. I salute and get in my rocket car, blasting to D.E.I. I walk up to the elevator and unlock his door. I have a key, why not use it once in a while? I open the door and see him programing a device. I clip the translator on.  
"Heinz?" I say, voice hoarse. He looks at me, an evil glint in his eyes.  
"Perry the Platypus, would you like to become human?" I smile happily and nod. He shoots me with a ray and I look up. Everything was suddenly more in focus.  
"P-Perry?" Doof asks. I smile and nod. He grins.  
"There was a side-effect." I furrow my brows.  
"What?" I say. He smiles.  
"You're incredibly handsoomeee~" He sings. I smile and look down.  
"Heinz, I need clothing." I say. He nods and hands me his lab coat. I wrap it around me.  
"Well, I need to get your size. You're obviously around my age, but I swear you're incredibly handsome, no homo." I nod and he has a preset robot team take my measurements. He sighs.  
"You're so muscular Perry the Platyperson..." He sighs. I nod happily.  
"I work out you know." I say. He nods.  
"Of course. I'm not stupid Perry the Platyperson." He says. The bots hand me some clothes that I gratefully slide on. I smile and grab the fedora Heinz holds out. I place it on my head and Heinz smiles.  
"Teal hair?" He asks. I nod.  
"I'll be going now. I might be back tonight, Linda wont let me stay there as a human." He smiles. I walk to my home and open the gate to a distressed Phineas.  
"Perry! Oh thank god! I can't figure out if I need to add pie to 1827 to make this!" I smile and ruffle his hair.  
"Calm down, call Baljeet..." I say.  
"No! He's on a date with Buford tonight. I couldn't- what are you doing!" He yells.  
"Yes?" Baljeet says on the other line. I smile.  
"On 1827 do I need pie to make a DNA replicator?" I say. I hear him scoff.  
"Of course!" I nod to Phin and he continues building. I smile and he double glances to me.  
"You're human! I didn't know Dr. D could manage that..." He muttered, screwing a few bolts in place. I grin.  
"Phineas... Heinz can do a lot." I say. He nods.  
"Mmm... I'll finish this in the morning. Ma doesn't know who you are so... go stay with Doof." He says, smiling knowingly. I look up at him.  
"Uh... what Phin?" He snickers.  
"Get out of here you former semi-aquatic egg laying mammal!" He yells, laughing. I sighed in relief. It's good to know Phin is okay. I thought I would never see him that cheerful again. I begin walking downtown, followed by many glances and full on stares from women passing by. Then I saw him, and I just stopped. Everything just stopped. Heinz was sitting on the bench, a stray tear rolling down his face. I walk up to him quietly.  
"Heinz?" I whisper. He immediately straightened, wiping his eyes.  
"Perry?" He asks, voice wavering. I sit down next to him.  
"What's wrong Heinz?" I ask, frowning.  
"My mother visited." He sums up. I scoot closer, concern written all over my face.  
"What did she do?" I growl. He sighs and shakes his head.  
"My father is the one who did something." I instantly grab his hand, looking him in the eyes. He mutters something in Drusselstenian and pulls his collar down. I look at the purple hand marks and knew he'd been choked. I gasp and trace the bruises lightly. He winces.  
"Heinz... are you okay?" I whisper. He shakes and grasps me, burying his head in the crook of my neck and sobbing.  
"P-Perry... Verstehe ich nicht warum er mich hassen...? Warum liebt niemand mich?" I shush the sobbing man.  
"Heinz... I don't know why he hates you. People do love you... people you'd never guess. Move on. That's a chapter in the past... turn the page, but never close the book." I say to him. He smiles, a tear trickling down his cheek. Passersby stare as I embrace the 'evil' scientist.  
"Perry, you're right. I never really thought of it that way." He says. I smile lightly at the saddened man.  
"Although one person that dislikes you may say you need to change, ask someone that you actually care about. I'm sure their opinion will surprise you Heinz." I say, grabbing his hand and dragging him into D.E.I.  
"So... what do you think of me?" He asks. I turn to him.  
"Heinz... you're not the brightest color in the rainbow, but you'll always be my favorite color, forever." I say. His face lights up.  
"You're a mensch Perry." He says. I smile.  
"No problem." I smile lightly. All the sudden a woman walks in and everyone gawks, including Heinz. I smile at her and hug her.  
"Hey! I missed you." I say. She stares.  
"Perry?" She asks. I nod.  
"You know her?" A random man asks. I nod protectively.  
"This is my best friend!" I say, growling. He nods and backs away quickly. I look at Heinz who is practically drooling over Carly. Why does he notice other girls instead of me? She did manage to look better as she got older though.  
"How is Admiral?" I ask. She nods happily. I smile at her and peck her on the cheek. Heinz approaches slowly.  
"Hey Perry, lets go." He says, jealousy on his voice. I ignore him  
"She's great!" Carly smiles, looking to Heinz.  
"Isn't he your nemesis?" I nod and smile.  
"Komm schon. Ich muss zurück ins Labor!" Heinz says overcome with rage. I hold up a finger.  
"Carly give Pinky my best wishes." I say. She nods, smiling.  
"Will do. Hey... you want to catch up over dinner at Chez Bea-" She is cut off when Heinz delivers a blow to her cheek. She gawks at him, tears welling in her eyes.  
"HEINZ DOOFENSHMIRTZ!" I scream out, fussing over Carly. She cries.  
"I don't know what I d-did..." She sobs. Heinz fumes and yells.  
"Halt die Klappe!" He yells. I widen my eyes.  
"Heinz? What's wrong?" I say letting the man drag me away.  
"Nothing." He says. I look at him madly.  
"That wasn't nothing!" I yell, pressing the up button on the elevator. He sighs.  
"I-I don't know what came over me Perry." He says. I huff.  
"That's no excuse to hit Carly!" I scream. He looks at me confused.  
"How do you know this Carly?" He asks, fuming.  
"She's Admiral Acronym's intern!" I shout. He immediately looks guilty.  
"I'm sorry..." He mutters. I sigh.  
"It's okay I guess. You're evil after all." I say. Heinz can't really help his evilness anymore. He has a kind heart but... but... he isn't good. I mean he is good hearted but he wants to take the place over. I have 3 guys in my life. A guy I love, a guy I hate, and a guy I can't live without. In the end, they're all the same guy. They are all Heinz Doofenshmirtz. By loving him, I feel like I am waiting for something that isn't going to happen. We walk into the living room and Vanessa looks at me. She smiles.  
"Perry, I need to talk to you." I nod as we walk to her room.  
"I-I think I might be in love with... Ferb." She says frowning.  
"Well Vanessa... there is a time in everyone's love life when someone will come in and make you realize why it never worked with anyone else." I say. She smiles.  
"Thanks Perry, its about time you told that jerk how you feel, huh?" She says smirking. I blush.  
"Uh... uhm... yeah... it is Vanessa. Thank you." She runs out and I walk into the same room as Heinz. He smiles at me.  
"Vannie just ran out. She was smiling brighter than I have seen her in years. What did you do?" He asks. I just grin.  
"Heinz." I say blankly. He looks at me confused.  
"Yeah?" He replies. I smirk.  
"You're blushing." I state. His face turns redder and he stutters.  
"Uh, Perry... just forget it." He turns the TV on and The Hunger Games comes on. I smile and Heinz lays down. I gasp as Heinz pulls me onto his chest.  
"You want to be comfortable, don't you?" I blush and smile like a maniac. He relaxes and I smile as we watch the movie. During the movie I look up at Heinz and notice he is staring at me. His breath becomes ragged as he cups my cheek. I feel my cheeks redden as he moves closer, clashing our lips together. I respond gently moving my lips gently against his as his fingers run through my hair. I taste strudel and meatloaf and moan slightly at the taste. I wrap my arms around his neck and flick my tongue against his lips, pulling away slowly. Then I was back to reality. I widened my eyes and put a hand to my lips.  
"U-Uh... I have to... uh... I'll be back!" I yell. I run into Heinz's bathroom looking at myself in the mirror. My lips were swollen and red and I noticed how flushed I was. I ran my hands through my hair and sighed. Why would I let myself fall for Heinz Doofenshmirtz? I sigh and facepalm, walking back out. If you love someone you shouldn't run away from it. When you start to have something special you have to work at it. Even if it seems like the world is against you, you still have to hold on, with both hands! We can't let society dictate who we can and can't be with. I look at the crying Heinz and curl up next to him. He looks down at me and smiles.  
"I thought you'd never come back." I smile.  
"Why wouldn't I Heinz?" I ask. He sighs.  
"I got a call a few minutes ago." He says sighing. I look at him.  
"What is it Heinz?" I say concerned. He looks up at me.  
"Well... I have cancer."


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Graphic sexual encounters ahead. DISCLAIMER: I don't own Phineas and Ferb.  
"Well... I have cancer." He says. I look up at him in shock.  
"You... you're kidding." I say in shock.  
"Afraid not liebling." He says.  
"You... you aren't upset?" I ask, lip wavering. He shakes his head no. I deliver a blow to his face.  
"Heinz! What about me? What about how I feel?" He stares at me, guilt etched in his features.  
"I don't know Perry... I guess you'll just have to live without me." I thread my hands into his hair, looking into his eyes.  
"Doofus... how long do you have?" I ask. He sighs and hugs me.  
"A week." He says. I growl.  
"Heinz you have been nearly killed so many times! You can't die... you just... can't." I say crying. I get up off the couch.  
"Start working on the cure." I order. He looks at me helplessly.  
"I couldn't cure cancer Perry." He says. I snap my gaze toward him.  
"TRY!" I yell. He nods quickly and rushes into the lab. I sigh. I just found out he has cancer and yell at him. He has to at least be a little shaken from the news and I made him feel worse.  
"Heinz Schatz, es tut mir leid..." I apologize, kissing his ear from behind. He smiles lightly. He mixes two compounds together.  
"It's okay Perry, I forgive you liebling." He says. I nod and sit down on the table.  
"This will take a long time to make, wont it Heinz?" I ask sadly. He nods.  
"It will take a couple of weeks at the least... but I figure if I make an -inator to cure it..." He trails off in thought, running his fingers through his hair and sighing in anger.  
"I need nothing less of a pure mastermind here." He says. I nod happily.  
"I'll be back Heinz!" I yell running out. I huff as I approach the backyard. Phineas is pacing.  
"Perry! Thank god. I think I got it but... I need more DNA samples." He says. I smile and hand him a lock of Ferb's hair I keep on me at all times in my fedora.  
"Thanks! You're a lifesaver. Now... bam!" He says, pulling the lever. Ferb appears in front of us. I widen my eyes and Phineas hugs the male. Ferb looks around astounded.  
"I died!" He yells.  
"I fixed it bro." Phineas says. Ferb gawks. Phineas presses his lips to Ferb's quickly. Ferb blushes and pulls Phin against him in a hug.  
"Not to interrupt but Heinz needs help curing cancer." I say.  
"Why?" Phineas asks. I sigh sadly.  
"He has cancer, only a week left." Phineas gapes.  
"N-No..." He says. I nod. He immediately calls Baljeet.  
"Have you cured cancer yet bro?" He asks. His face brightens.  
"Baljeet says he can help us work on it. We will undoubtedly have it done by next week!" He says. Ferb gives a thumbs up and Linda comes out back.  
"Ferb!" She yells happily. Everyone hugs him and laughs giddily, crying in pure joy. I walk away happily seeing the happiness on their faces to be reunited with the son they lost. I walk back into D.E.I and a woman smiles, beckoning me toward her. I follow hesitantly and she runs her fingers along my collarbone.  
"'Ello. I am ze mother of Rodger Doofenshmirtz." I back up fast.  
"Hi..." I say slowly.  
"Do you zpeak Drusselstenian?" She asks.  
"Not much... but some. Ja..." I say. She smiles.  
"Ja. Liebst du meinen Sohn?" She asks smiling.  
"Rodger?" I question.  
"Nien, Heinz?" She asks. I shake my head in affirmative. She rolls her eyes.  
"Du bist zu gut für diese Schande." She says harshly. I growl menacingly at her.  
"Du Schlampe, bist du zu gering für ihn." I yell madly. She gasps.  
"Zu... Du SCHLAMPE!" She yells.  
"Zu ungrateful man! I'd give za world for my son." She says. I scoff.  
"Nien. You'd give the world for Rodger. Not the son your husband physically and mentally abused!" I yell, turning to come face to face with Mr. Doofenshmirtz.  
"Ich werde dich töten! Niemand spricht so mit meiner Frau! Ich töten dich mit nur meine Schnürsenkel! Bewegen Sie nicht!" I flinch and shake visibly. He punches me with all of his strength in the cheek. I reel as he prepares to strike again. I prepare for the fist to meet it's target when the man falls to the ground in pain.  
"Perry!"  
"Heinz?" I say, looking up at my savior.  
"Oh god..." He says. I feel blood trickle down my face. I look at the man who is resurfacing. I spin-kick and knock him to the ground as he loses a couple of teeth. Heinz moves closer to me, planting kisses on my swollen cheek. I sigh as he looks me over.  
"Mrs. Doofenshmirtz." I say lightly. She looks up at me. "Heinz has cancer." I say. She looks at Heinz, tears forming in her eyes  
"My schatz..." She says. Heinz's glare softens as he pulls his mother close.  
"It's okay ma..." He says. She backs away.  
"Nien... I'm worried about Rodger... what if it runs in our blood." I literally see Heinz break as his eyes drop. I grab him and slap his mother, ushering Heinz up the stairs.  
"Why... why did I think she meant me?" He sobs. I shush the broken man.  
"Heinz... it is fine. It's okay. I have people working on the cure... now let us go to bed Liebling..." I say quietly. He nods I realize then all I have been wearing for this whole day was a lab coat. No wonder everyone was ogling me. I sigh and remove the garment, watching Heinz's face light up like a Christmas tree.  
"P-Perry... maybe... maybe you could wear some of my boxers?" He stutters. I nod, grinning at his embarrassment. He hands me a pair of purple plaid boxers. I slip them on. He visibly relaxes. I snake a arm around his waist and connect our lips. He moans slightly into my mouth. I sigh in satisfaction as I yank him into the bed. His breathing is uneven as I rub his thigh.  
"Heinz... do you want me to stop?" I ask. He shakes his head. I smile and trail my fingers up his leg until I reach the end of the fabric. He shudders. I pull the boxers down slowly. I took his cock into my mouth and began playing with it, my hands still on his hips and grabbing his ass cheeks roughly. I sucked on him for several minutes and could taste his manhood and smell his scent.

Heinz pulled back and laid me back on his bed. He placed his hands into the elastic of my underwear and started pulling them down toward my knees. As he did this he raised my legs up straight into the air. He looked up at me flushed, and continued removing my underwear pressing my legs back up over my head raising my ass off the bed slightly. He positioned himself at the foot of the bed and began licking my ass. As he neared my exposed asshole he began working his tongue into my hole, playing with me. The feeling was incredible. Heinz placed a finger into my ass hole and continued licking my balls.

Heinz had moved around onto the bed and positioned himself over my head while keeping his finger in my asshole working it in and out and keeping my legs over my head. He lowered himself down and placed his still hard cock into my waiting mouth. I eagerly began sucking him as he returned to sucking my cock, my balls and my asshole. After several minutes I could feel Heinz begin to contract and I could taste his pre-cum in my mouth. I did not stop and kept sucking him with his cock rubbing down the back of my throat. I felt Heinz tighten up and could feel his warm, hot cum explode into the back of my throat. As I was trying to swallow every drop I realized that I too was releasing my hot load down Heinz's throat as he continued to work three fingers in and out of my asshole.

After several minutes Heinz got up and kept my legs pinned above my head. I never got soft and neither did Heinz. I was not ready to stop when Heinz placed the head of his large cock against my asshole. Before I could tell him to stop he had his head at the opening and was pushing forward. I was quietly saying "no, stop" but not wanting him to hear me. Heinz continued to push into my virgin asshole. After he got his swollen head in I could feel pain and pleasure all at the same time. He stopped and stayed still for a minute and I began telling him:  
"Fuck me, I need you deep inside me". With that Heinz pushed all the way into me up to his balls. My cock was as hard as it ever was before and I could feel pain shooting allover me. He began to pull out and then push back in slowly. After several times of this it began to feel really good and I began to meet his thrust with my hips. Heinz began to thrust harder and harder and I could feel his balls slap against my ass cheeks. After brutally fucking my tight virgin asshole Heinz blew his load deep into my bowels. I was still hard and needed relief. Heinz let my legs down on the bed and straddled over me facing away from me. He lowered his mouth onto my aching genitals. I hissed out a sigh and he began to bob up and down on my lap. I could feel myself approaching climax as he began moving faster, his hand and mouth moving up and down. I yelled out in pleasure as I spit ropes of seed into the man's mouth. He sputtered and moved up next to me. He lay beside me and we feel off to sleep.

I wake up beside Heinz Doofenshmirtz, with no clothes on. Suddenly a sharp pain hits me.  
"Fuck..." I mutter, shaking Heinz. He looks up at me. I see the memories hit him.  
"O-Oh... Perry..." He says shakily. I huff and kiss him lightly. He relaxes, knowing it is okay.  
"My ass hurts Heinz." I state plainly. He laughs nervously. I feel something vibrate in the sheets. I feel around and find the forgotten collar that has been in my fedora. I motion for Heinz to lay down.  
"Agent P!" Major Monogram says. I smile and put on my fedora. I tip my hat at him.  
"Yes Major?" I ask slowly. I hear Heinz snicker behind me.  
"Where are you, and why are you human?" I blush faintly.  
"Heinz." I sum up.  
"What did Doofenshmirtz do!" He yells. I hear Heinz burst into laughter behind me. I scowl.  
"Nothing sir." I say, slugging Heinz.  
"Let me talk to Dr. Doofenshmirtz." I shrug and hand the device to the frantic Heinz. He tries to make himself look normal.  
"Hi Franny..." He says.  
"H-Have you and Agent P been... doing... the act?" I hear Monobrow's startled voice. Heinz snickered.  
"I'm not sure I would call it that Franci- HEY!" He yells as I snatch the watch.  
"I am sending an agent in to retrieve you!" He yells, signing off. I look at the carefree Heinz and see how much more laid back and happy he is after we had sex. The bags under his eyes are fading and there is a large smile planted on his face. He looks much more relaxed. I know he has cancer, but he looks so happy and in the moment. I made his last days more bearable.  
"Can I have your lab coat, and some boxers?" I ask. He nods pointing to the floor that is covered in our clothes. I get up, wincing in pain, and grab the clothing. I slip it on, straightening my fedora. I look to Heinz, tears in my eyes and hold on to him for dear life.  
"Perry..." He says softly into my hair. I sniffle.  
"The major is sending an agent to retrieve me." I say sadly. He huffs.  
"Of course Monobrow would send someone to get you. You're obviously happy here." He says, eyes dimming. I place my lips on his, an electrical surge passing through me. I hear a window shatter and climb back in bed with Heinz, curling up at his side. Suddenly Pedobear walks in. Heinz gapes as I glare at the panda.  
"Peter..." I growl. Heinz grabs me as the panda tries to pull me away. I sigh.  
"Let go Heinz." I say.  
"No... no Perry I wont!" He yells defiantly.  
"Let go!" I yell.  
"Perry." He says, voice full of despair.  
"Heinz, trust me, let go." I say quietly. He kisses my cheek, releasing me. Peter shackles me and pulls me out.


	3. Chapter 3

"Agent P!" Monogram yells as soon as I walk in. I smile and sit down.  
"Yes Franny?" I ask. He growls.  
"You know you cannot rendezvous with the enemy!" He yells. I scoff.  
"That may be Franceine but... I'm in love with him." I say softly.  
"When did this start?" He asks quietly. I begin explaining.  
"It all began last summer."

"Ah... Perry the Platypus, how ironic that you look just like a stuffed animal in that machine, and by ironic, I MEAN COMPLETELY RONIC!" He yells as I get stuffed into a claw machine. I look around as he drones on about Rodger and the Princess of Drusselstein. I grab a stuffed toy and look it over. I see the writing on the toy.  
'TO: Perry the Platypus, from your nemesis.' It said. I smile at the stuffed toy. It was a bear, a wonderful brown one. It looked as if it had been drawn on by someone, and had been washed several times. There were tear stains all over the back and I saw blood marks, faint but still there, on the teddy. This must've been very important to Heinz, and if he gives it to me... well he must trust me.  
"... and he wrote his name in red permanent marker on it! Proceeding to do the same to my mother therefore..." He continued. I couldn't help but feel sorrow for the man. I examined the bear. I noticed, as I was doing so, the faint red word 'RODGER' on the stomach of the bear. I pulled out a black sharpie and wrote in large letters 'HEINZ' on top of the faded words. I smiled and continued to write his name all over the stuffed toys in the machine. Just as he turned around did I put the bear, and marker, into my hat. He noticed briefly what I had done, and smiled at me. I broke out of the trap rather quickly and our usual battle begun. -~-~-  
"That is just... one time. There is the one time where I flew into the volcano, when Carl picked me up..." -~-~-  
"... was supposed to be here an hour ago! Ah, Perry the Platypus. I had a trap, but no time. You see..." I zoned out on his blathering. I looked around at the monkeys that were doing everyone's laundry. I smiled as I saw Agent M salute me. I grinned in recognition. I began chasing the man soon after this and I flew into some laundry. We continued our chase around the volcano. I somehow ended up in a tux, as he was in a wedding dress. I paused and looked at him with mischief dancing in my eyes. He paused.  
"Hey!" He yelled. "Why am I the one in the dress!" I laughed silently. I took Heinz by the hands and mocked slipping a ring on his finger. He fumed as I pushed him into the washer. -~-~-  
"... That's basically how it started. Oh, and the one time me and him were stuck in a desert... followed by the second dimension... and when he made an -inator to help me. Oh, and a few weeks ago when we... I'm not going into detail on the loveme-inator." I say. Monogram huffed.  
"We don't send you agents out there to frolic with the evil scientists!" He says. I groan.  
"Heinz isn't evil!" I yell. He furrows his eyebrows.  
"Heinz Doofenshmirtz has 3 children, two of which do not know him. He has had so many hard childhood memories. He doesn't hate Christmas! He cant be that evil! He cries over his daughter growing up, and he raised a robot man. He cared for me! He took me on Dr. Feelbetter one time! Heinz Doofenshmirtz is NOT evil." I finish. Carl and Major Monobrow gape at me.  
"Dr. Coconut, you should know Dr. D isn't evil, as should you Franny. When Carl was evil Heinz reverted to good. Why wont you give me a chance to be with him?" Carl was tearing up, as was Franceine.  
"As heartwarming as that was, I must relocate you. Get your things. We are reassigning you to Dr. Aloyse Everheart Elizabeth Gunther von Roddenstein. We are putting Agent Panda in charge of Heinz."  
"Uh, sir, I believe it is Aloyse Everheart Elizabeth Otto Wolfgang Hypatia Gunther Galen Gary Cooper von Roddenstein." Monobrow nodded.  
"Sir, with all due respect, I will not be Rodney's nemesis!" I yelled.  
"He prefers Aloyse Everheart Elizabeth Otto Wolfgang Hypatia Gunther Galen Gary Cooper von Roddenstein Agent P, and I don't care." Major Monogram said. I grunted.  
"I quit." I say simply. They both look at me.  
"No... you don't quit. The agency owns you." He says smartly.  
"Well... Heinz bought me once for $10,000." I say.  
"He what!" Carl yells, doing some calculations.  
"Sir... Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz is Agen- Former Agent P's legal owner." Carl says. I smile and walk toward my cubby, grabbing my vase, teddy, marker, tux, and family portrait before walking out. I turn toward Doof's home and begin walking when I receive a page from an unknown number. I answer it, knowing the only others besides the agency that have my number are Vanessa, and Phineas.  
"Come quick!" I hear Vanessa yell. I scrunch my eyebrows.  
"D-Dad's in the hospital... they say he doesn't have much lon-longer..." She cries. I nod, hanging up and running to Danville Medical. I run in, tears in my eyes.  
"I need Heinz Doofenshmirtz's room!" I yell. The receptionist looks at me.  
"Only immediate family." She states in a bland tone.  
"I AM HIS BOYFRIEND AND I DEMAND RESPECT!" I yell. She calls security as Vanessa grabs me.  
"He's with me." She says sadly, running me back. I see him and my heart stops. His eyes are closed and his lips are blue. Heinz is pale white. I gasp as I see Phineas and Ferb working on the serum. Baljeet is on standby on Facetime. I sit next to Heinz and rub his cold hand.  
"Vanessa how much longer does he have?" I ask gently.  
"Well... this wasn't all the way caused by the cancer." I slit my eyes.  
"What happened." I say madly. She sighs.  
"After you left, I came in and saw Daddy on the floor coughing. He said his chest hurt. I didn't know what to d-do... then P-Peter came in and... and he started h-h-hitting him..." She cried. I saw red.  
"Peter..." I growl. She nods. I grasp Heinz's hands.  
"Heinz..." I say lightly.  
"Its no use." A nurse says from the door.  
"He suffered from a heart attack, combined with the cancer. His blood loss from the stab wounds on his back combined with the two fatal things can basically guarantee his death, or in a good case a coma. I lunge at the woman.  
"Bring me a first aid kit and some fluids for his IV. The hospital's assistance is no longer needed. All we will need is the room and the right chemicals." She nods, scared. I release her and she runs off to get the supplies. I walk up to Heinz.  
"Liebling, I can... I can fix you." I promise. Phineas injects Heinz with something.  
"That was the cure." He says. Heinz looks up at me, pale eyes fluttering open. I smile gently.  
"Perry..." He manages to say. I shush him.  
"Shh... Heinz. Ich liebe dich." I say lightly. He shuts his eyes and drifts off. The nurse comes in with the tray of medications Phineas, Ferb, and I requested. I smile and begin mixing a few liquids Heinz had mixed in the past to heal his minor cuts. I see the liquid turn a bubblegum pink and know it is ready. I pull out his arm and dab a cotton ball in the healing serum, applying it to a cut. Heinz opens his eyes and winces. I kiss his forehead.  
"It hurts... it isn't supposed to hurt. My chest Perry... it hurts!" He yells loudly. I see his heart rate drop very low and I hand Heinz something Phineas gave me for this very reason. Heinz drinks it and he passes out. I sigh in relief as his heart rate evens.  
"My poor father." Vanessa says. I sigh and turn to Phineas.  
"We need a stabilizer." I say. Phineas gives me a 'no duh!' look. I sigh.  
"Will Heinz be okay?" Phineas looks at me, worry evident in his eyes. I look at the helpless man with gashes all through him. I let a tear fall and turn to Phineas.  
"He is your father, you know?" He widens his eyes.  
"Dr. D is my father?" He asks. Vanessa gapes at me. Ferb smiles. Phineas hugs Ferb tightly and I see Ferb kiss Phineas lightly on the cheek.  
"Come here Phineas..." Vanessa says. He runs into her arms and Vanessa rocks him. Ferb hands me a slip of paper.  
'Heinz will make it. I cant let Phin get hurt Perry. I love him.' I smile and nod, embracing the young boy. He squeezes me back. Vanessa smiles sheepishly at me and I pick up the smaller boy and sit him next to his biological father. Phin runs his hands through his orange hair.  
"Daddy... I'll save you." He says lightly. I kiss Phineas on the forehead and He hugs me.  
"Perry, I wont let him die." He promises. I nod and let go, tears slipping down my face.  
"I hope you do Phin." I say. He begins to work frantically, conversing with the boy on his iPad. Buford is surprisingly in the picture, embracing the Indian. I sit next to Vanessa.  
"Maybe when this is all over, I can marry Heinz... and I'll have 2 beautiful children." I say. Vanessa smiles.  
"Four when I marry someone. I have my eye on Monty... he asked me out last night." She says, smiling.  
"Not Ferb?" I ask. She scoffs.  
"I did that to get you with Dad, who cant see the obvious fact him and Phineas are together?" With that the boys in question blush and let out a 'Hey!'


	4. Chapter 4

I pace back and forth as Phineas hands me a liquid. I inject it into Heinz's IV drip. I see the color returning to him.  
"What was that?" I ask, amazed. Phineas pushes me and puts his hand on his fathers head.  
"I need a fever reducer!" He says. I throw him a pill bottle. He glares at me.  
"He is a drug induced sleep, and we get him to swallow pills!" He yells. I wince.  
"Sorry!" I say. He shows a look of guilt. Ferb hands him a needle and he injects it into Heinz. Heinz's eyes flutter open.  
"Perry... the pain's gone." He whispers. I smile in relief and press my lips to his. His lips begin moving and I feel his arms close around me. I can feel his lips form a smile. I notice his mouth tastes like bubblegum, but let the thought pass me. I climb on the bed as Heinz moves his hands into my hair. I hold myself up with my arms as his tongue dances with mine. I pull away smiling and notice the snickering children.  
"Dad..." Phineas says as I move to sit at the foot of the bed.  
"Phinnie..." Heinz says weakly as he embraces the young boy. Vanessa smiles and joins the hug. I move over and stand awkwardly with Ferb.  
"So heartwarming, but me and 'Jeet gotta get some stuff done." I hear Bufords voice pipe up and the smacking of lips. I smile and wave goodbye, hanging up. Heinz turns to me.  
"Children, could I have a word with Perry alone?" Heinz asks. Everyone walks out slowly.  
"Perry, how are you here? I know Monobrow wouldn't allow it." He whispers.  
"I quit." I say. He widens his eyes.  
"For me? I'm not worth that much, and besides, its not like you're going to stay with me-"  
"Heinz."  
"... forever. Even if you do, which you probably wont due to my terrible personality and hello EVIL-"  
"Heinz!"  
"... which you do not go for. Plus I have kids, and I am scum to the city and constantly get made fun of-"  
"HEINZ!" I scream, cutting him off. "I want to marry you." I say lightly. He gasps. I pull the old teddy bear out of my pile of stuff.  
"Oh... you kept that old thing? I wondered where he went. Rodgers name is on it though... wait... my name is on it?" He asks. I throw a marker at him.  
"Thank you Perry the former Platypus, that makes me feel appreciated. Now about getting married..." I pull out the once-worn wedding dress and throw it at him.  
"HEY! Why would I wear the dress?" I laugh and shrug. I notice his gashes are obviously causing him pain. I take the dress from him, setting it on a chair, and begin to treat his wounds with the pink liquid. He smiles and lays back, enjoying the relief.  
"Can we come in?" I hear Phineas pipe up.  
"One second!" I yell back.  
"So... yes?" I say quietly. Heinz nods enthusiastically and I peck his cheek.  
"Come in kids!" I yell. They all come in, piling at Heinz's sides.  
"Are you Candace's father too?" Phineas asks. He shakes his head 'no'. I clear my throat.  
"I'm marrying your father." I say. Phineas smiles.  
"That's nice. Now... about other dimension me? Does that mean... other dimension Dad tried to kill me?" He asks slowly. Heinz widens his eyes.  
"I would never hurt you! Other dimension me is just crazy!" Heinz yells.  
"You know... they were going to assign me to Rodney and make me call him Aloyse Everheart Elizabeth Otto Wolfgang Hypatia Gunther Galen Gary Cooper von Roddenstein." I say nonchalantly. Heinz laughs.  
"How do you remember that... what is it? Aloyse Everheart Elizabeth Wolfgang Hyberia Gunther Cooper Otto Gary von Roddenstein?" He asks.  
"No... Aloyse Everheart Elizabeth Otto Wolfgang Hypatia Gunther Gary Cooper von Roddenstien." I say again. Everyone starts laughing.  
"I cant believe anyone calls him anything other than Rodney." Doof says.  
"Neither can I!" Phin says, giggling. The laughter seizes as Phin pulls me into the hall.  
"You... you and my father had sex last night, huh?" I widen my eyes.  
"Why do you say that?" I say nervously.  
"We did some backtracking on your body's structure. We kind of have an auto-scanner in our iPad. I mean, since Platypus eggs are... eggs, the children are conceived easier, and born faster."  
"What are you saying Phineas?" I ask worriedly.  
"I'm saying... you may or may not be carrying Dad's kid." I stuttered.  
"What! Phineas I am male it is impossible!"  
"We may think that Dad's -Inator gave you a womb..." He says. I pace back and forth.  
"No... no it cant be happening." I say. Phineas holds the iPad up. I can clearly see a quickly growing baby. It already has been formed, and has tiny fingers.  
"Phineas... I cant give birth to it..." I say. He nods.  
"A C-Section. It has to happen. We can speed this up for you, and we can also keep it at the 6 day carrying limit. Other than that you will most likely die from the birth." He says, rotating the picture. I can clearly see the infant inside of me. I can also see that it is female.  
"How... how could I tell Heinz. He has you two, he wouldn't want another one. He... he..." I broke down crying. The human experience is too much. Phineas pats my back.  
"Perry, he loved us didn't he? He can deal with another little girl." He says. I smile lightly. I look down and notice, because of the lab coat my bloating is concealed.  
"So... his -inator managed to get me pregnant, and speed up the carrying time? This... human stress is too much." I say. Phineas smiles.  
"I'll have a little sister!" His eyes sparkle and I know I cant deny the child I am carrying. I walk back in, pretending to be angry.  
"Heinz!" I yell. He looks to me.  
"Heinz... your -inator is a failure!" I yell. He winces.  
"Why?" He asks. I open my lab coat, revealing my stomach. Heinz looks at it curiously.  
"I'm pregnant you idiot!" I yell, keeping the charade up. Heinz smiles, teeth brilliantly white. I could see the happiness in his eyes. I sighed and lied next to the man. He stroked my stomach.  
"Another child... another little Doofenshmirtz." He says happily.  
"I get to raise another kid. Vanessa, Phineas, you guys will have another little sibling!" I smile.  
"Its a girl, you know." I say lightly. His smile only widens.  
"O-Ooh! We could name her... Henrietta!" He says happily. I grin and notice Vanessa and the boys had left sometime.  
"Where did that one come from Heinz?" I say. He flashes me a brilliantly white grin.  
"Heinz + Perry is Henry. Henry as a girls name is Henrietta!" He says, filled with childish joy. He furrows his eyebrows.  
"I don't understand how the child could be so developed though..." He starts.  
"Its due in six days. I was a platypus, our children are carried for a week at lowest terms." I explain. He looks at my stomach and takes out his phone. He clicks something then flashes a picture. He shows me a digital vision of our daughter. I scroll around her. Heinz gapes.  
"She's going to be beautiful..." I nod.  
"Just like her father..." I say gently. He blushes.  
"No... more like you." He says, rubbing my stomach.  
"Also, du unser Kind gefallen werden?" I ask.  
"Ja..." He says dozing off due to the medications.  
"Schlaf gut mein Schatz." I say, kissing his forehead and walking out. Phineas, Ferb and Vanessa are sitting there, smiling.  
"'Sleep well my treasure.' He says!" Phineas laughs. I blush.  
"Come on... and when did you know Drusselstenian?" I ask. Phineas laughs and facepalms.  
"The base words are the same as German... and I know German naturally.  
"Uh... the doctor said Mr. Doofenshmirtz has made a full recovery! I don't know what you boys did, but we'd like to offer you two full time jobs!" Phineas begins to say a firm negative but Ferb interrupts.  
"I might take you up on that offer." Ferb says, smiling. Phineas knits his eyebrows together.  
"Ferb... what about me?" He asks. Ferb plants a kiss on Phineas' lips, leaving Phineas blushing. Ferb walked down the hall with the nurse and Phineas covered his lips. Vanessa and I walked over. I clapped my boy on the back. His lips quirked up and he grinned as wide as humanly possible. Heinz walked out as Phineas was spinning in joy.  
"What did I miss?" He says. Phineas hugs him.  
"F-Ferb kissed me!" He says jumping up and down. Heinz's face goes slack.  
"He what?" Heinz says. I drug him to the side.  
"Phineas has been in love with Ferb for... two years now? Ferb was the owner of mine that died." I say gently. He gapes.  
"He... he died?" Heinz says. "These boys... they're pure genius!" Heinz says. I smile and kiss Heinz lightly. Heinz grins.  
"Phineas, I'm sure your mom wants you at home. Vannie dear, I know Charlene wants you home." I say. Vanessa uses her remote to the pick-em-up-inator to take her and Phin home. I turn to Heinz. Doofus looks me in the eye and smiles lightly.  
"You... are having my daughter Perry." I say. I smile back at him.  
"I am a human male, and I am pregnant with a little girl. A year or so ago... how would you feel about this." I say. Heinz laughs.  
"I would be revolted! I would say, 'Perry the Platypus! You are having my daughter? Eww... eww... that is so gross... I don't want it!' heh. I love you now of course and... Perry are you crying? What's wrong?" All the sudden my stomach begins to hurt really bad. Heinz drops to my side.  
"Shit! Perry! Are you okay, is it the baby? God hold on... I-I'll go get someone!" He yells. I lay on the floor writhing in pain. I scream. A few doctors load me on stretcher.  
"A-Ah! It hurts! I want Heinz... where is HEINZ!" I scream. The doctors bring me into a room and stick an IV in me. I groan.  
"Wh-Where's Heinz..." I say lightly. The doctors glance at me.  
"Heinz Doofenshmirtz isn't here right now. We had to keep him out. The blood could trigger another heart attack." I sob.  
"Call Phineas... and Ferb. Contact Heinz's daughter too." I moan in pain.  
"Alright... I can do that. Ferb will be in in a second. Please inject his with the knockout solution so we can continue with his surgery." I widen my eyes. Surgery. I cry in tears.  
"Is it my baby! My baby! DON'T DO ANYTHING TO MY BABY!" I scream. I wake up briefly.  
"H-Heinz..." I murmur. The doctors smile.  
"Heinz is outside. He should be in in a moment. Congratulations." I moan in pain.  
"Congratulations in what..." I mutter.  
"You're a father now. Your daughter is beautiful. A wonderful hair color you have there. It seems a drug was in your system that caused her to develop prematurely." The doctor explains. I nod. I try to sit up but end up falling down again. I'm a father... a true father. Her name will be... Henrietta Flynn Doofenshmirtz. That is decided. Now... now to wait for Heinz. I want to see Henrietta.  
"Is she okay? I-Is she alive? Let me..." I manage to croak out before I lose consciousness.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Zakia is pronounced ZA-Ky-ah and Zaki is pronounced ZACK-Y  
"Heinz! Es... es tut weh tut weh so schlecht! Mein Magen..." I moan out in pain. I see Ferb running toward me as I lose consciousness again. I awake to a immense pain in my stomach.  
"Heinz?" I croak. My hand is grabbed.  
"Perry..." Heinz says. I hear the happiness floating in his tone.  
"Heinz... what happened?" I say. I open my eyes to a bright smiling Doof.  
"She was growing too fast... they took her out." He says.  
"Sh-She's okay right?" I ask slowly, writhing in pain.  
"Yes... yes she is perfectly healthy. It seems like you had a growth enhancement drug in your system. You can see her if you like..." A nurse pipes up. I smile lightly.  
"I want to... to see her." I say weakly. Someone walks in and places my baby in my arms. She looks up at me with bright eyes.  
"She is very aware. Heinz told me of you being a platypus before this... she will be smart for her age of course, as are your species young. I still don't see how she was incubating properly. You have little to no estrogen..." The female nurse says. I ignore her and look down at my daughter.  
"Hi my little girl... Heinz, Henrietta wont work for this little beauty." I say lightly. He looks at me.  
"Why not?" He asks. I look at her.  
"Schöne... that is what she is. She needs a fitting name. Violet... Victoria... perhaps Veronica..." I start listing. Heinz laughs nervously.  
"Uh... Y-You know... you..." He begins. The nurse puts another kid in my arms. I gape.  
"T-Two?" I say breathlessly. They both nod. This one was a boy. A gorgeous blue eyed boy.  
"I just have to say one thing." Heinz says giddily. "He looks like a Zach." Heinz states. I widen my eyes.  
"That's it Heinz! Zaki and Zakia." I say lightly, looking back to the names that describe the children. Heinz quirks his lips up.  
"Beautiful names..." He says, lifting Zaki up.  
"My little Schatz..." Heinz says, smiling. Zaki grabs his nose.  
"Zaki, and Zakia are both translations for pure." I say as Zakia giggles at her brother. Heinz nods.  
"Hebrew and Arabic?" He guesses. I scowl.  
"How many languages do you know!" I shout.  
"Meh, my third ever -inator was a language-inator you know." He says. I roll my eyes. I motion for him to be quiet as Zakia falls asleep. She begins sucking her thumb and me and Heinz let out an 'Awwe'. I press the nurse call button and the same nurse walks in.  
"... take them to a crib somewhere." I whisper. She smiles and scoops the children up, walking them out. Heinz smiles.  
"They look beautiful..." Heinz boasts.  
"Is Vanessa, and Phineas here?" I question. Heinz nods.  
"They're in the waiting room... I could go get them?" He says. I nod at him. I look down at the note that was on my bed. I opened it. 'Congratulations -Carl' I smile and tuck it away. Phineas walks in.  
"Uh... I have no idea how they were born so quickly Perry." He says. Ferb walks in holding a basket.  
"It's for new parents." He says, handing me the basket. I look inside it. There were 4 outfits, two bottles, a couple diapers, and some baby socks. Phineas sat a stroller next to me and Vanessa smiled.  
"I have a crib installed in D.E.I for the rascals. What did you name them?" Vanessa asks. I smile and begin talking sarcastically.  
"I named one Amy Everheart Elizabeth Otto Wolfgang Hypatia Gunther Galen Gary Cooper von Roddenstien." I say. Vanessa and Phineas giggle and Rodney and Heinz walk in.  
"Ah... so you are naming a child after me?" I gasp.  
"No... they're named Zakia Flynn Doofenshmirtz and Zaki Fletcher Doofenshmirtz." I say madly. He stifles a laugh.  
"Your children will be failures." He says. I growl and throw a knife from the table at him. It successfully hits his leg.  
"Your son is a failure Rodney." I say madly. He looks at the knife in his leg.  
"Y-You stabbed me!" He yells in frustration. Heinz tosses me my hat. I throw him a syringe full of the healing liquid.  
"A dosage will heal it. I used it on Heinz. Now get out and leave the knife on the counter." I say. Rodney drops the knife, injects himself, and runs. Heinz and Phineas look at me in shock and Vanessa smiles.  
"Perry! You-You're evil!" Heinz yells. I shake my head in negative.  
"No... no I just fight crime." I say gently. Suddenly the nurse comes in with my babies.  
"They wanted you." She says happily. I nod.  
"Come here Zaki!" Heinz says. Zaki immediately reaches toward his father. I cradle Zakia. Vanessa looks at me and I hand her Zakia. She looks at the baby.  
"She is... she is adorable." Vanessa says. I look over and see Heinz and Phineas playing with Zaki. He grabs his phone and walks out. Candace comes in.  
"Perry... you had children!" She says, grabbing Zaki and Zakia and cradling them. I reach my arms out. She places the children in my arms. I notice Zakia's eyes are a cocoa brown. I see Zakia smile at me and I kiss her forehead. Her hair is a beautiful teal color. Phineas comes back in smiling with Baljeet and Buford. I just noticed how different Baljeet looks now. He is in a cut shirt and plaid jeans with spiked hair.  
"Sup Perry, and Larry of course." Buford says, looking pointedly at a blushing Candace. Baljeet hangs onto Buford and Zakia smiles and gurgles. Heinz all but melts and he smiles at our little girl. Baljeet leaves Buford's side to grab the awake child. He raises her up.  
"Awwe... who's a little cutie!" He says happily.  
"They are Zakia and Zaki." I say, rocking my son. Baljeet hands Zakia to Buford who awwe's at her.  
"Hi Zay Zay..." Buford says lightly, rocking the child. My heart melts at the sight of his pampering the child. Heinz sighs.  
"Nurse?" He says lightly. She looks to him.  
"Yes?" She asks.  
"When can we take the babies home... I really hate hospitals... at least we showed up for their birth." He says madly. Just then his parents walk in. I motion for the babies to be in my arms and the children comply, taking a seat.  
"Heinz!" His father yells. Heinz stiffens up and gulps.  
"Yes Vater?" He says quickly. I glare at the man.  
"Are these your children?" He asks, motioning around the room.  
"N-Not all of them..." He replies, stuttering.  
"Anyone who is not a Doofenshmirtz get out!" Heinz's father yells. Baljeet, Candace, the nurse, and Buford scramble.  
"So... Mr. Whatever your name is with the babies, get out." He says. I roll my eyes.  
"Me and your son have 2 kids, and are engaged. I would rather not.  
"Whatever... Now. Heinz, you have 4 children?" He asks. Heinz nods.  
DOOFENSHMIRTZ POV BRIEFLY! (Sing that)  
I nod quickly, shaking in my chair. My Vater looks me up and down.  
"The babies are yours?" Vater asks. I nod, smiling faintly at the sight of my babies. Vater looks at them.  
"I have... four... grandchildren?" He says. I nod. Vater grabs my neck and slams me to the wall. I gasp for air, flailing my arms and screaming in pain.  
"Whoa! Quit harassing my father!" Phineas yells. I hear Perry yell for him to stay away.  
"You are a disgrace!" My Vater yells. I feel the hands tighten and two people pull the man away. I fall in my seat, tears rolling down my face.  
"Father! How can you strangle your own son!" Rodger says. I growl, looking up at the object of my demise.  
"Rodger, take Vater and leave." I say. He nods, smiling briefly at my children.  
"Take the kids." I hear Perry say. Next thing I know Perry in a hospital gown sits next to me.  
"Heinz..." He murmurs. I look up briefly at him before sinking back down in my chair. He kisses me gently and massages my scalp. I feel a shockwave of pain as his fingers trace the bruising.  
"P-Perry it hurts..." I whine. Perry kisses my adams apple.  
"Its okay Heinz... I love you. I will always love you. If your Vater doesn't understand how amazing you are, that's his problem." I connect me and my love's lips briefly and someone screams.  
PERRY'S POV AGAIN!  
"HEINZ!" I scream as a pole is slammed on his head by his father. I jump into self defense mode and deliver various kicks to the man. He swings at me and I backflip onto the bed, throwing a knife directly into his eye. He falls and I turn my attention to Heinz.  
"... Heinz... Heinz..." I whisper. Phineas kneels next to him. The blood from his head pools around him. I see the split in his head. Phineas shakily injects him with the healing serum. The bleeding stops but Heinz lays still. I kiss his forehead.  
"... Liebling." I say gently. He is completely irresponsive to me. I sigh and notice Phineas holding a needle to Zaki's arm. I raise an eyebrow.  
"What are you doing?" I ask. Phineas smiles and injects Zaki. I see him grow what seems to be around a year. The now-toddler child crawls to my side. He looks down at Heinz.  
"Dada?" He says looking at me. I sniffle. Zaki sits in my lap, poking Heinz. I see a now older Zakia walk over.  
"Vater?" She says gently, poking Heinz's nose. Heinz's eyes flutter open.  
"Y-yes... I am your Vater..." He says weakly. I smile and open the stroller, placing the infants into it.  
"Vanessa, could you perhaps take these children home?" I ask lightly. She looks as if she is in shock.  
"Of course..." She says. I look to Phin.  
"Can you go baby shopping?" I ask him, handing him fifty dollars out of Heinz's wallet. He nods and walks out. I am left alone with Heinz. I kiss him gently.  
"Heinz honey... we need to leave." I say. He winces in pain as I pick him up.  
"You're light Heinz... you need to eat more." I say to the man. I walk out and begin trekking to D.E.I. Once there and situated I lay Heinz on his couch. He sniffles as he cries in his sleep. I see Phineas and Vanessa looking at the sleeping babies.  
"Awwe... Zaki and Zay Zay are so cute." Phineas says. I notice they are wearing a light violet color and Zakia has a green bow in her hair. Heinz moans in pain and rolls over. I pick him back up and lay him in the bed. He immediately is more comfortable as he sighs. I lay next to him and snake an arm around his waist. He scoots back into me and moans. I snicker, tracing his jeans as I remove them. He couldn't sleep comfortably with them on. I then remove his shirt, being careful with his head. I take off his shoes and socks and cover him up with my teal blanket. I lay the teddybear next to him and I cuddle Heinz, falling into a blissful state of sleep with my fiancé and father of my children. Or should I say mother, because of course Heinz would be the one in the dress.  
VANESSAS POV  
"Wow... Phineas they are so cute..." I say looking at the small children in a crib in my old room. Of course I had a room on a higher level now. Zaki rolled over and cuddled his sister. Me and Phineas awwe'd at the childish beauty. Phineas sighed.  
"I have to leave, Mom undoubtedly wants me at home." He says. I hug my brother.  
"Bye Phinny." I say smiling. I begin to walk to my room, but stop at Dad's room when I see him and Perry cuddling. I pull out my phone and snap a picture. I will get this one developed! I grin and snicker as I walk down the hall to my room, until I gasp seeing a Panda in our living room, bruised and bloody.


	6. Chapter 6

Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated... after hours.

Perrys POV

I hear Vanessa scream and I get up, running to the living room. I see Pedobear laying in the floor with bruises all over him. I sigh and look at the panda.

"Peter...?" I question. He opens his bloodshot eyes. I gasp.

"Heinz!" I yell. He groggily walks in. I notice the bruises faded.

"P-PETER!" Heinz yells, fully awake. I look at him closer. I see fading cuts all over him. Heinz grabs the raygrun and shoots him. A young man with spots on its eyes take its place. I scowl at Heinz as he rushes to the former-panda's side.

"Peter." Heinz whispers. The man opens his eyes lightly and Heinz injects him with the serum. Peter looks at me, then down at himself.

"Uh... don't I need clothes?" He asks, motioning to Vanessa. I throw him a blanket. He looks at me.

"You..." He growls. I slap him. He winces and turns his head to Heinz who is gaping and surveying the man.

"Who did it?" He asks, looking at Peter's arms.

"Dr. Aloyse Everheart Elizabeth Otto Wolfgang Hypatia Gunther... Galen Gary Cooper von Roddenstien?" He says slowly, trying to get the name right. I laugh sarcastically.

"Rodney!" I laugh. I slit my eyes and punch the man in his cheek. He flies backward. Heinz glares at me.

"I wont let him take you away from me again Heinz." I say. Heinz blushes and kisses me to assure me it wont happen. I revert my eyes to the bleeding man in our living room.

"Get away from our children. Sit on the couch or something." I say harshly. Peter scurries to the couch and I grab the wide awake Zakia. She grabs my hair.

"Dada!" She yells happily. I smile softly.

"Yes Kiyah... I'm your Dada." I say softly, sitting next to Heinz and Peter with Zakia on my lap. She crawls to Heinz and he coos at her. Peter gapes at the child.

"You... you two haven't been together this long!" He says. I nod.

"Growth serum, I was pregnant, and a former platypus. The serum was then injected into my young, making them toddlers." I explain, smiling as Zakia captivated Heinz by playing with his hair. She giggled as he made faces. It isn't often you can see Heinz so caring. Peter scoffed.

"You had two kids in a day?" He asks. I give him a smug smile.

"Yes, yes I did." I say. He sighs.

"I came here to ask Perry if I could take cover at his base, well old base because the bitch quit." I gasp and slap Peter as Zakia looks at me confused.

"Do not use that type of language around Kiyah." I say. "You can use my base." I agree. He sighs in relief.

"Can I stay here for tonight?" He asks. Heinz nods, getting up and placing the dozing Zakia in her crib. I sigh and walk Heinz to the room. Heinz looks at me guiltily.

"Heinz, it's fine." I say, kissing his collar bone. He sighs, laying down. I trail my fingers up and down his chest. He shivers to my touch. I kiss and lick his stomach. He moans softly. I grin.

"P-Perry... there are others h-here..." He says, trying not to make any noise. I eye his nipple and he widens his eyes. I snicker and glaze his nipple in my mouth. He cries out softly.

"S-Sto-OP!" He yells as I bite down. He hisses and I continue to tease him. I feel myself hardening at the sounds of his moans. He shakily zaps an -inator.

"What did you do?" I ask, looking up.

"T-The soundproof-inator!" He says, urging me to continue. I eyed his boxers and he gulped. I grasped his member in one movement and felt the stickiness of pre dripping. I sighed, pumping the cock slowly. His breathing became labored as he thrusted into my hands. I sighed, looking up at him. His eyes begged me to continue. I pumped his shaft faster and he moaned throatedly. I smile and pull his boxers down more. He bucks his hips upward as I lick the head of his penis. I take it into my mouth, teasing and tasting his member. He thrusts into my mouth, whimpering. I smile and begin to work, head bobbing up and down. He screams out in pleasure as he releases into my mouth, panting slightly. He hurriedly reaches inside of my boxers, pumping it a good 3 times before I scream out. My vision blurs as I lose my balance, falling onto Heinz. I regain my senses, pulling up my boxers. I fall asleep on Heinz's stomach that night, never happier. In the morning Heinz shakes me awake, smiling bright. I flutter my eyes open.

"Perry! Get up! Hurry!" He says, rushing me. I look down at the mess of cum I am covered in and stare at him blankly. He laughs nervously, handing me some jeans and a shirt.

"Your clothes came in, boxers are on the counter." He says. I smile, walking into the bathroom and getting dressed. I walk into the living room and see Zaki walking. I gasp.

"Mama!" He yells at Heinz. Heinz's face turns bright red. I giggle and pick my son up.

"Yes... He is your Mama." I coo, twirling Zaki. Vanessa walks in, blushing.

"Dad... Perry... you didn't need to be so loud!" She yells. I scowl at Heinz. He stutters.

"I-It only works in one direction... doesn't it?" He asks. I nod. He sighs.

"Well... this wont be the first time I failed." He says. I scowl at him.

"I know." I say flatly. He points to the infant in my arms. I kiss Zaki's forehead.

"My precious baby boy." I coo, putting him down with his sister.

"Who put up the playpen?" I say thankfully. Heinz smiles.

"Peter." He says. I widen my eyes.

"Pedobear... helped me? This is more rare than you saying a real word when you're trying to twist something." I say. Heinz nods and Vanessa giggles.

"'Ah... Perry the Platypus! How unexpected, and by that I mean COMPLETELY pected!'" Vanessa mocks while Heinz blushes.

"'Pected is a word!" Heinz defends. I giggle.

"Nope." Vanessa says, turning her attention to the babies. I hug Heinz and something amazes me.

"ARE THESE MY SIBLINGS! HI BROTHER AND SISTER! I'M NORM" Norm says happily. The kids look at the robot man and smile.

"Norm?" Zakia questions. Norm picks her up.

"ITS MUFFIN TIME!" He states, carrying the kids away. Heinz chases him, scared. Norm sits the confused kids down on the counter. He pulls out some muffins and everyone takes some. I point to the muffins.

"What's in these?" I ask. He smiles.

"PEANUTS!" I roll my eyes, setting mine back down. Heinz looks at me, curiosity dancing in his eyes.

"What, I'm allergic to peanuts." I state. He smiles and opens the fridge, handing me some of his family's famous cheese. I eye it as he cuts it into a small square, handing me it. It was the size of my hand.

"I wouldn't want you eating the whole thing..." He says, growling. I roll my eyes, tearing off some and eating it. My taste buds danced with flavor and I smiled.

"Still delicious Heinz." I state, eating more. He smiles, swiping some. I frown.

"That was mine." I say. He snickers, grabbing Zaki and sitting him down, proceeding to do the same with Zakia. I smile contentedly, laying my bodily weight on Heinz as he kissed me. The babies walked around aimlessly and Vanessa and Norm played with them. Then Phineas called.

"Hey Perry!" He said happily. I smiled.

"Hi Phineas." I said. I heard Ferb shuffling in the background.

"We just called to ask if Dad and the kids could come over for a while, we know you have stuff to do." He says. I sigh lightly. I do have some things to do today.

"Heinz, you and the kids going over to Phineas'?" I ask. His eyes dance.

"Yes! Of course we are! Come on Zakia, Zaki, Vanessa!" He yells happily, running outside to the door. I then noticed how odd all of this is. Me living as a human with my nemesis, quitting my job, having kids, Ferb being alive, then it hit me... I must be dreaming!

I awoke to someone shaking me.

"Perry the Platypus..." I heard Heinz say. My eyes fluttered open and I looked up to the man.

"Ah, you're awake! You just came in and... fell asleep. I mean, RUDE!" Heinz babbles. I smile, rolling my eyes.

"Perry the Platypus... what were you dreaming about?" He asks. I blush and he laughs.

"Well, you cant talk anyway. BEHOLD! The Dreamcast-Inator!" He yells. I roll my eyes, getting up just to be trapped. A helmet is strapped on my head. I see the first part of my dream being played out and I thrash around. I dreamt of having sex with him! He cant know that! I soon give up, watching Heinz's expressions change throughout the dream as I flush with embarrassment. Even his face gets dark when the sex scene comes up. He shakily removes the helmet when it is over. He undoes my trap and points to the door.

"Get out..." He says, stuttering. I look up at him, begging to stay.

"Get. Out." He says again, more agitated. I feel my eyes well up with tears as I leave the tall building. I walk away, it raining down on my face and fedora soaked. I look back to see a teary eyed Heinz standing by the door to D.E.I. He sniffles. I run away then arriving at my house. Phineas is upstairs crying and I walk in, mindless pet mode activated. He notices my sorrow.

"What's wrong boy... I miss Ferb too..." He says, sniffling as he strokes my fur. I burrow close to Phineas, crying into his shirt. He sobs.

"Why did I have to try to make that waterslide! Why!" He cries. Candace walks in.

"Perry... Vanessa is at the door wants you apparently." She says, taking my place in the comfort of Phineas. I waddle to the door, surprised to see Vanessa. She smiles, picking me up. She walks me out to the car and I pull out my fedora.

"Perry. Hey. Dad is upset, you had a dream about you two hooking up and having kids...?" She asks. I nod slowly. She laughs nervously.

"He is working on making you a human-inator as he calls it. He also wanted me to tell you the DNA Replicate-inator is in the trunk and he had no idea you could speak Drusselstenian." She says, helping me unload the -inator. I sit it in the backyard, walking upstairs and tugging Phineas down to it. He gapes and grabs Ferb's old clothes. He feeds them in and Ferb pops up.

"I died." He states.

"I know! I fixed it bro!" They embraced, each one of them blushing. Vanessa walks up slowly, smiling.

"Ferb!" She yells. Ferb smiles, hugging her lightly. She looks at me.

"Hi... Vanessa?" Phineas says, eyes clouding over.

"Where's... Daddy?" He says slowly. Vanessa looks at him.

"... Phin?" She says, hugging the boy. I chatter loudly and Vanessa picks me up, running to her car, lyrics following her.

I can do it, I can run, I can hunt you down,

you can try but you can't stop me cause I'm gaining ground

I'm light on my feet, and I'm quick to the punch, I had a heavy breakfast, but a real light lunch,

I'm a raging bonfire, a cherry bomb, I'm me

I'm rough and tumble, I'm the one to beat, I'm a fresh coat of black top burning up your feet

I got a poisonous sting, when I rain, I pour, I'm the best of the best, I'm the soup de jour

I'm smooth as glass, and I'm sharp as a tack, I'm me.

I'm the last and best stick of gum in the pack, I'm me

I'm a strong woman, fast talking big, bad dog walking, highfalutin', drum beatin', foot stoppin', corn popping, speeding locamotive that just won't stop, I'm a hot apple pie with a cherry on top

I'm a crowd pleasing, head spinning, winning in the ninth inning, whip-lashing, record smashin', black-tie party crashing, cyclone of fun, I'm army of one, I'm strawberry sprinkles on a hot crossed bun

I'm a big haymaker in a title fight, I'm a cute black kitten with a nasty bite, I'm an action double feature on Friday night.

I'm me, I'm me, I'm me, I'm me, I'm me!


End file.
